Poundland have started selling vibrating cock rings. They’re extremely popular.
Every person should have a right to enhance their sex life in any way possible. In 2012, the solid gold Channel 4 documentary, More Sex Please, We’re British, went behind the scenes at one of Britain’s leading sex toy stores and told us that in the UK, we buy enough plastic penises yearly to stretch the length of an entire marathon. The Daily Mail also told us in May 2012 that the sex toy industry is worth £250m a year, with global sales set to rise to £400m. With this fact in mind, it’s seems only fair that us frisky Brits would want to get hold of these sexual enhancers at more affordable prices.
Well, it would appear that our old faithful discount outlet, Poundland have got our backs, as they have decided to cater to our sexual tastes with their Playful “vibrating ring”. That’s a cock ring to you and I.
With the highest advanced European technology, this baby pink penis accessory comes in at 100p while still complying with the international safety testing standard. It’s up to scratch in my books. In the interest of journalistic research, I forked out a pound sterling and decided to test the ring myself. Don’t worry, this article isn’t going the way of some cheap bog standard online erotica. I’m a professional.
I went down to my local store and purchased the love ring which, surprisingly, didn’t seem too bad upon first impression. The packaging was pretty tasteful, and luckily, light enough to not cause any damage when a number of them hit me on the head as I tried to reach them from the top shelf. The potentially embarrasing transaction was somewhat eased by the casual attitude of the sympathetic shop assistant who told me not to worry, as he’d had some parties in his time too. Good to know.
I tried and tested the ring for its water resistance by putting it in a glass of water and seeing how long it lasted, which was an impressive 10 minutes. I tested its flexibility by wrapping it around a large cucumber from my fridge, which proved successful, and finally its durability by putting it in the washing machine, which it survived in working order.
I spoke to the manager of the Poundland store, who informed me that they sell an entire box of the cock rings every day. As well as this, they also stock their own vibrator bullet product, which I was unable to even get hold of because they sell out the second it hits the shelves, apparently.
With 4.5 million customers a week, it seems that Poundland is catering for the strapped-for-cash, sexually active members of the public, and is doing its bit for Britain. We contacted Poundland to ask if they had plans to stock any other discount sexy products. They declined to comment.
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