Fancy getting baked on bacon? One of the odder side-effects of America’s legalisation of medicinal growers means that you can.
Imagine being able to indulge in the herbal fruits of mother nature’s finest work while simultaneously alleviating the dreaded munchies with a good old fashioned bacon sarnie. Imagine bacon that gets you high. Imagine a culinary vortex of stomach and mind, hunger and savoury satisfaction locked in a state of perpetual motion. It sounds like it could be the most exhilarating/terrifying experience any green-fingered connoisseur could possibly conceive of, doesn’t it? “Dude, is the bacon fulfilling our hunger, or contributing to it?” “I don’t know man, just keep eating it. Oh, and hand me the ketchup.” Such an idea has most likely only ever existed during whimsical conversations in cloudy student bedrooms across the globe. Until now.
A farmer in Seattle believes that he has found the perfect combination for every red-eyed meat fan; he feeds his swine livestock with cannabis plants. William von Schneidau of BB Ranch meats in Pike Place Market uses the remnants of the plants supplied to him by a local medical marijuana grower in order to produce the most unlikely – or indeed perfect – blend of flavours.
Von Schneidau has experience when it comes to turning a farm into a hedonistic haven for curly tailed substance abusers – he once fed his pigs vodka in an apparent attempt at producing alcoholic flavoured pork so it appears party never ends down on Willy’s farm. Until abattoir day comes, of course. Although by that point you’d imagine the poor pink buggers would be too strung out to notice where the truck’s taking them – it’s similar to how Lindsay Lohan’s family manage to get her to rehab.
It may be a radical, groundbreaking invention that has catapulted von Schneidau to internet fame, but when Komo News asked the pig-dealer how he came up with such a whacky creation, he admitted that he couldn’t remember. “I don’t smoke, but I guess it’s foggy,” he chuckled. The pigs were unavailable for comment, although you’d assume one of them would’ve mumbled something about Revolver being ‘the best fucking work The Beatles ever recorded’, before lustily tucking into a pile of Cool Original Doritos.
The farm shop is hoping to sell plenty of the weed-infused pigs, but how do they actually taste? “Savoury” says von Scneidau. Well, if it ain’t broke…
Image: Wikimedia Commons